For future reference: Do not try to cut the plastic off of a wedge of cheese while you are drunk. Even if you're a budding surgeon, it can have disastrous consequences. 1:18 AM

Girl fight?

For the first time, I found myself on the other side of the fence. I went out with Allison, Stacy, Adam, Jen, and Omar last night. We went to the Bunker just for a couple of drinks. It was okay until I tried to go pay my tab. I walked up to the bar between these two guys, purely by accident. That's just where there was space. Anyway, this drunk guy started talking to me. He asked if he could do a shot from my cleavage. (I will admit, the girls were on full display. I was at a bar, for pete's sake.) I told him that I don't do that kind of thing with random guys in bars. Then, he tried to talk me into taking him home with me. This is also something I would never do with a random guy in a bar. I was laughing at the things he was saying because he really was stupid drunk. Then, all of the sudden, the most frightening woman I have ever seen comes stomping up and tells me to stop talking to her boyfriend. I told her I was just there to pay my tab, and that I wasn't interested in her sloppy drunk boyfriend. She was ALL mad at me. I won't lie. The guy was good looking. He was tall and had pretty blue eyes. Plus, that is what you do in a bar, right? You meet people. So, I was filled with righteous disgust at the whole situation, until I was driving home. Then it occurred to me...

I was that girl.

I was the girl that worried that her boyfriend would find someone else. I was the girl that was ready to do battle for what was mine. I was the girl who was absolutely convinced that some bitch was after my man. It never occurred to me that my man might have been the larger part of the problem. Obviously, I would never get into a fight over a guy. That's just lame. I would, however, have some things to say, and I was never shy about it. I remember feeling sick with dread when I discovered that my ex was up to things, like I had been punched in the stomach. I remember feeling as though I would never know the truth, and feeling it eat at me constantly. It sucks to be the girlfriend. It also sucks to be a wife because no matter what kind of vows you have made, if you're with a man who isn't ready to be committed to you, you have to watch your ass. It's not that I think men are evil. Women cheat, too. It's just that I don't like feeling jealous, and I'm scared to death to open myself up to feeling that bad again.

The question is, how do you know when someone is worth the risk? You can meet all kinds of people and have all kinds of fun, and feel nothing at all for those people. It's safe. You have control. That's what happens when you meet people in bars. If they call you, great. If they don't, that's okay too. Perhaps, the more natural situation is to meet someone at work or school, have some kind of crush on them, and hope it works out your way. There's nothing better than that. I remember holding hands with my high school boyfriend on the way to first hour, and feeling like I could walk on water for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm just missing the simple puppy love of high school, but it's weird to me to meet people in bars. It's not how I've always done things. (This is, of course, keeping in mind that I have only had 1 real boyfriend).

I have decided that even though I was unjustly accused of trying to steal someone's boyfriend, mostly what I feel is sorry for that girl. She clearly can't trust her man at all (at least not when he's drunk). He watched Allie, Jen and I for most of the night, and made his moves when he could. I know what is ahead of that girl. I just hope she's not too in love with his trifling ass to see it. 11:45 PM

Every time I mess with my template, I learn more about HTML. I don't know why I don't just buy a book about it, and make my own from scratch. We have tons of them at Borders. Oh yeah. I don't have any money. Bummer.

I'm over at my parents' house again, doing laundry.

This is a peculiar time in my life. I have almost nothing to do. I'm still taking path case studies, and that entails a certain amount of work. I have to write three short papers per week. It's not hard, and I started reading the New England Journal of Medicine. There are some crazy ass cases in there, like pancreatic tuberculosis. (?!) So, there's that. I'm also working out 4 or 5 days per week, which is major. I'm not working at Borders all that much, and I'm usually working nights. What does this all mean? It means I sleep in until 1:30 pm everyday, and I stay up until 2 or 3 am. These are my natural hours, I guess. I know this is absolutely the last time I'll be able to sleep until I'm done sleeping, and I'm taking full advantage of that.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that last Sunday, on Grey's Anatomy, the surgery residents were knitting. I was knitting while I was watching it. Funny. It was knitting as a substitute for sex on the show. Sounds pretty safe. I knit; therefore, I remain celibate. I think dragging yarn through MRSA at work would be frowned upon, but it was still cute. Hey-- you know what else is frowned upon? Making out with patients! Izzy should know that! 1:25 AM